Notes from Underground

Notes From Underground

A short story inspired by the Work of Fyodor Dostoevsky

By D. F. Wharton


I don’t care. I keep saying that. I don’t care, I don’t know, I don’t get it. But I do care and I do know and I do get it. It’s a problem. Well, maybe not. Ha, ha, it’s no problem at all and I’ve realized it this very moment! I say things. My impulses are Tourettic. There is this ambition that is banging around inside of me even though I don’t have any ambitions. You see how crazy that is? Yes, I am a crazy man. You don’t really believe that do you? A sick man, no doubt, even though my liver is ok. For now. Perhaps it’s not. One can never tell. One can never tell anything, especially if he thinks he can. It’s a wretched cycle for sure.

I was making that up just then, about things being wretched. Just give me a book to read, a video game to play. Oh the ideas… the ideas I have when I read! Once I pick up the pen I will put my beautiful words down and there my ideas will flourish! Oh the change it will bring about! But when I got to the page, pen in hand, I had nothing. So I killed many people in Call of Duty on my PlayStation. But even on a damn video game I still find myself hiding, scared to make a move, crouching behind a box, trying to snipe somebody from afar.

NBA 2K. There now, that’s better. That’s what I work for: to buy things like this so I can enjoy occupying my time. HBO NOW, Showtime, Netflix, Amazon Prime, and a big screen Smart TV with apps, all the apps, so many apps that I can’t come up with enough avatars and cool user-id’s. Let me check my phone. What should I check first? Email? Facebook? Twitter? Blog activity? New albums on iTunes? The latest Ballers episode is available for streaming and I find myself asking myself, “What would Ray Donovan Do?” My how the underground has become populated since my friend Fyodor has sent up his notes.

A drink of Jonny Walker first. For Ray Donovan, anyway. The kids are busy, the wife is busy, the house is busy, and who put CNN on the TV! Turn from that! And why do we still have cable? Oh, right: News 12 The Bronx, MSG for the Knicks, and YES for the Yankees. Let me check my eBay account on my phone to track the latest package I ordered, a lot of used Wallace Stroby novels that I got for five dollars! It’s in New Jersey according to the tracking system. Great. I should have them in a couple of days. I don’t know why I’m anxious about getting the books when I’m not going to start any for a month or so because of the others I’m still reading. I just lied. I do know. I like to have the books in my possession. I like to see them on my shelf.

I need to take the car in for an oil change and a bath. I need to get to the gym. I need to do the dishes. I need to make my boss disappear. I need to win the lottery. I need to clean up and do laundry. Why is the PlayStation controller still in my hand? I have work to do! Naw, it can wait. It can wait, all of it, yes, all of it can wait.

Until it can’t. Then I’ll deal with it. I’ll deal with it when I deal with it. What’s the story here? Is there a story in this? Sure there is. I just don’t know what it is. It’s cool. I don’t need to know. I live on a need-to-know basis and that works for me. I don’t know how I get paid. I work for the City and the money is direct-deposit. There it is. The Grocery store is full, the mall is full, K-Mart is full, and Amazon is so big that it’s never full and can never be full because it is all and everywhere!

The debt on my credit card is full. Nothing like some good healthy debt. I’m a democrat and a federalist. Not that I vote. Oh how I would love to vote! But I am a convicted felon. Nothing like some debt and a felony! Without debt, and a felony, you are not American! You have missed out on the great American experiment! To be an American is to have done some time in the joint and have accumulated debt and to have things you don’t need, yet do actually need, because of the insanity of it all. One could say I don’t need my PlayStation, don’t need Wallace Stroby novels, but that would be a damn lie! And that’s not Dwayne Johnson, it’s Spencer Strasmore! And what Ray Donovan would do is important because he is THE MAN I tell you! Turn the country on it’s side and shake it and all the loose stuff falls into California. Notice the Empire State is still in tacked, if you can call it that, and at five o’clock, a Corona gets a lime.

I’m a teacher with nothing to teach and everything teach at the same time. I think that education is vastly important and bullshit at the same time. One moment I don’t know anything and the next moment I know everything and neither was ever true. No, it was true! Maybe not. I don’t care what you think, dear reader. Yet, I do.

When big political issues are glaring and blaring from TV screens and electronic numbers are rolling across featured platforms in Times Square and religious fundamentalist are saying to get ready for doomsday and all the loose stuff is slithering around California and the Empire State stands—I’m playing 2K with my son. I got the Celtics because Kyre Irving is a beast.

You might secretly despise me because you took your interpretations for facts and you’ve over played your hand and there’s no going back. Stuck living up to reputation. I’m not mad at you for it. I understand. I’ve been there.

Of course, when you’re ready, there’s always room… Always room underground… away from… well… you figure it out.

These are only a few notes.